Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Man, I'm road trippin'

It seems like all my blog posts are about my sorry little life, so let's take a break from my relationship issues and focus on something even more carnal and pitiful...the Phoenix Zoo.

It's not that the place itself is pitiful, it just hurts when you really stop and think about all those animals being subjected to the ways of humans through stinky glass cages. It's bad enough living among humans as a human, but I can't even imagine being taken from my natural habitat and being forced to sit in an enclosed place while snotty-nosed children and their raunchy parents stare sweaty and wide-eyed at me through bars and fences. Whoa, how's that for a long run-on sentence? This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the zoo though. I love animals. I just wish they had an interactive zoo where all the animals could talk back to you. That, my friend, would be quite the learning experience. 

My favorite part of the excursion was actually the lady selling entrance tickets in the booth by the front gates. She was homely and she loved her job. I could immediately sense the excitement radiating from her bosom, which was somewhere hidden underneath that frumpy zoo polo. I happen to have a weird obsession with pandas and elephants, so, knowing that I would make her day by asking a question, I inquired about the zoo's panda ownership status. To my great disappointment....there were no pandas. "However we are trying to obtain a red panda! Here's a map. On the front is a baby orangatan named Lola! She may not be out today because the weather might not be warm enough..." I could have listened to that lady talk all day. It was like speaking to a four year old about "diggers" and dinosaurs. 

There were a lot of other strange people in the the city of Phoenix, not just at the zoo. Take the androgenous weirdo at the concert who talked with absolutely no volume control for example. "I JUST SPILLED  A BEER ON SOME GUY'S BACK! HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! MY NAME'S RACHEL! I DON'T EVEN REALIZE EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME AND IS QUESTIONING MY GENDER!" Needless to say, I got sick of her pretty fast. There was also the lady at Coco's restaurant who had some sort of bias against me. I asked if they had coke. She said no, Pepsi products only. Bummer. Then get me a Dr. Pepper please? No. Pepsi products. Yeah...thats why I said...Oh nevermind you ol' hag. Dr. Pepper is a universal drink that is carried by Pepsi and Coca Cola. I know this. Obviously she didn't, so for the next half hour we were there she hated me. 

So between the zoo's absence of pandas and our 30 mile drive down a dirt road in Navajo nation, I had quite an enjoyable adventure in what I imagined as a bland state, but was pleasantly surprised at its hint of sweetness. Oh Arizona. You desert dessert. 

No comments:

Post a Comment